CONTENTS

Preface     xi
Acknowledgements     xiii
Introduction     xv

Part I - FIRST CONSIDERATIONS     1
     Breaking the Marital Contract     5
     First Choices     9
     Fear     15
     "Winning" Custody     23
     Shared Parenting: Listening to the Experts     17
     A Constructive Divorce     31
     When Divorce Is Destructive     36
     Paying Support and Loving It     42

Part II - EMOTIONAL VIOLENCE IN DIVORCE     49
     Emotional Violence     53
     The Manufactured Victim     56
     Betrayal of Intimacy     59
     Brainwashing Children     62
     Demonizing Your Ex     70
     "Rageful Spouse Syndrome"     75

Part III - THE PLAYERS     79
     The Players     83
     Mental Health Professional     87
     A Few Basics About Attorneys     91
     Ethical Vs. Unethical Attorneys     94
     Judges     100
     Accountants     105
     Professionalism and Accountability     107

Part IV - THE PROCESS     III
     The Easy Divorce     115
     Mediation     117
     Litigation     120
     Sucked Into the Legal Vortex     134
     Strategy     136
     A Glimpse Into the Courtroom     142
     A Few Basics About Child Custody     145
     Child Custody Evaluation     149

Part V - THE CHILDREN     155
     Children For Sale     159
     "Don't Worry, Children Are Resilient"     161
     Choose Me! Choose Me!     164
     Part of Mom, Part of Dad     166
     Follow the Script     169
     Helping Children Cope     174
     Parenting     182
     Friendly, but not "Friends"     185
     The Other Home     189
     Why Didn't You Fight for Me?     196
     Warts and All     199
     Stepparents     200
     A Quick List of Do's and Dont's     203
     Children's Rights Council     206

Part VI - THE AFTERMATH AND OTHER CONSIDERATIONS     209
     Healing     213
     Look on rhe Bright Side     216
     Order out of Chaos     220
     On the Rebound     223
     A More Realistic View of Marriage     226
     Great Expectations     233
     A Public Health and a Mental Health Issue     236

Part VII - NUTS AND BOLTS OF DIVORCE     239
     Choosing an Attorney     241
     Working With Your Attorney     240
     Dividing Assets     250
     Calculating Spousal Support     255
     Calculating Child Support     258
     Shared- Parenting Custody Arrangements     261

APPENDIXES     269
     Recommended Reading     271
     Appendix A - Petition for Dissolution of Marriage (California)     276
     Appendix B - Form Interrogatories (California)     278
     Appendix C - Income and Expense Declaration (California)     280
     Appendix D - Sample DissoMaster Support Calculation (California)     285
     Appendix E - Common Provisions of the Separation Agreement     289

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